Shopping for shorts

The first thing the travel nurse advised me was that "as a male traveller", I should take plenty of precaution and ideally seek high-class ladyboys if at all possible. A friend also suggested I "stick to Western girls", as she too feared for my health. Speaking to the English husband of a Thai lady (an actual bonified, genuine female I'll have you know), he iterated in no uncertain terms, that it is almost physically impossible to tell gender apart. Crocodile Dundee would even get unstuck.
Whilst homogeneous humans do worry me, there's also the issue of blood sucking insects. Sleeping blanket, pillow case (as advised), Deet spray, Mosquito net - all packed. Bag now quarter full.
Ah, an important oversight - Asthma. While almost completely cured due to the wonders of running, it still needs keeping in check. A years supply - what does that equate to? It's far too long since Uni to remember how to formulate things: 5K 3-4 times a week. 10K once a week perhaps? Walking perhaps 10K each day, probability higher than running. Then there's the swimming, climbing, hiking and general humid air. Bag now half full. I hope they don't think I'm using inhalers to traffic illegal substances. Insurance policy covers asthma - result.
And now to the enormity of paperwork that I have completed in the last 6 months. It's amazing how everything in the UK seems to be designed around the assumption that nothing ever changes. It's far easier to setup a direct debit and contract, than to end one. I needed to put things in writing, jump in the Delorean and go back to 1885, so that I could retreive a fax machine and put a wax seal on letters to prove my identity. I've lost count of how many forms I've signed, requesting further forms to be filled in and signed. Through all this, I had been making a concerted effort to reduce my use of profanities, but I admit that swearing inexorably at the maddening complexity of paperwork and bureaucracy has happened more than once. Damn those process-orientated monkeys.
It's been a long hard slog organising a R.T.W. trip, but Alles in Ordnung finally. Almost 31 years of collected tat has been trimmed to 7 boxes and some furniture. And going through everything, listing on eBay, flogging to friends, even selling my beautiful Mini Cooper has been the most wonderful, cleansing and uplifting thing I've ever done. My plan of how to deal with full-time employment worked perfectly - I shall effectively be paid till January-end. Result.
All done, a sense of wonder, with a hint of stomach butterflies is all that I'm left with. My eReader has been loaded with all the travel guides I could possibly find on torrent sites - my last few weeks at work had to be made productive somehow (GTA IV and Snooker were getting a little tedious). All that remains is a last dash to Kingston to find some cargo shorts. In Winter. I may well have two hopes yet.
Happy New Year everyone.