Herding cats

Dali

I think I’d make a good drill Sergeant. My company of 6 seem to have made me a surrogate tour group leader-come-drill instructor. I don’t mind, but with an hour of discussion and no positive conclusion made, it’s a little like herding cats.


Sat watching the five sat around speaking in Mandarin, I’m reminded of the Ents of Lord of The Rings; and whilst the communication is at a far higher frequency, the speed at which any decision is made is about the same. After half an hour I ask if any conclusion has been made – for I’ve given up at this point – and “no not yet” is the reply. I’ll check my email then instead and have a flick through websites; another thirty minutes pass and I repeat the question – “I think we should take the car”. “Great!”, I say, but in actuality that was one of only two options on offer; the other being written off several hours earlier due to cost. “That’s what I’d been saying all along?”, I add and with a few nervous laughs in retort. I’m convinced that it’s easier for me simply to take charge.



And off in the minivan we head the following day around the Erhai Lake, to visit an agreed 4 points of interest, but not before everyone has spent almost two hours deciding which food to order for lunch and too much time picking individual items up with chopsticks. I feel like handing out spoons so they can shovel it in faster, or giving out Speed, Charlie or double Espressos; anything to get a bleedin’ move on! The driver arrives, though as soon the clutch reaches biting point, a price inflation occurs and no one bats an eyelid; until I ask for a translation. “What?!”, I say and shout “Stop the f*cking car, now!”, in his general direction. He takes us around the block and back to the hotel, wasting a further 30 minutes of the day whilst we wait for a new driver. How many people do I trust in China? Precisely two.



To the lake and it’s a bumpy road every revolution of the worn tyres. I’m amazed our little toy minivan is able to withstand the punishment; it’s also been raining heavily the night before and with large puddles deep enough to flood the engine; a miracle we make it to the first point of interest. At 50Y a head to enter, instantly I’m asking why it’s 5 times more than the quoted price of Wikitravel and why so many people are walking straight by without paying. Some translating and it takes a brief amount of time for me to realise the driver’s intentions are uncouth; one shouting woman from our group in each of his ears and a few minutes is all he can take; we’re taken to the correct place.


Much like any tourist attraction in China; it’s dogged by scammers, con-artists, dodgy people and rip-off merchants. So be careful and be prepared to stand your ground; many travellers I’ve met are reluctant to admit to scams they’ve fallen victim for, handing over hundreds of Yuan for precisely nowt and yet later complaining and moaning about it on the internet in droves. People like that give sensible flashpackers a bad name, simply perpetuating the swindlers. And with many European countries having polite attitudes accompanying their innocent un-scammed disposition, it’s no wonder they get taken for rides. Realise where you’re going first before booking the flight.



The following day and a plan to follow the nearby mountain trail is put in to motion. With thunderstorms forecast it’s not looking too hopeful, though with only relatively light rain all day we all decide to head off. The start of the route and a Cable car elevates us to 2,800m in altitude, which is then followed by a 10.2k hike along a windy and slippery paved path to the chair lift back down. With this much rain, I’m happy to say my recruits did me proud; keeping up with my marching pace all the way and not complaining once of their drenched clothing, soggy feet or aching untrained muscles. It’s a great trek and whilst utterly tarnished by the presence of terrible weather conditions coupled with the fear of death from so many lost souls, a challenge we were all happy to have completed.

Hiking around the Zhonghesi Mountain

Our final day in Dali and we’re catching the bus to Lijiang, where the luxury coach bumps and rattles our gluteus maximus in to a soft putty. Sod’s law strikes again; the weather is perfect today. It seems to be a running theme of travelling; every time I decide to travel, commuting to another city or country, does the weather become perfect. I think I’ll come back and view some more sights, Dali is far better than Yangshuo and cheaper to boot. Number three in my list of favourite cities in China, I’m enamoured by the area; having paid just 32Y for a steak, egg and chips meal so good that I was heard comparing it to fornication, 4Y for a 640ml bottle of Dali beer, and a hotel room as good as any I’ve stayed in for 80Y each night.