Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough

Melaka




This must be the only country in the world where buses surpass trains in both cheapness and speed; I’ve seen mopeds overtake this train from Butterworth to Tampin. It’s painfully slow; 9 hours’ worth of sedentary procrastination followed by another by bus to Melaka and a further hours walk to find hostel mean that the ownder forcing what he referred to as “orientation” on me, is about as welcome as I feel in Mosques. But I’m here, and it’s my last stop through Malaysia before hitting Singapore and connecting out to HK for a few nights each.


This old UNESCO world heritage town is worth a visit certainly, but is decidedly lacking in things to do and see when compared to the island of debauchery to the north. History writes that just about every world conquering, sea-faring nation had a go, with our lot being the final answers to Malaysia’s song of “come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.” Herein are hence the remains of Churches, graves, offices and rows of houses that are unmistakably Dutch and Portugese in design. The latter managed to leave the traditional practice of shutting down come afternoon and sleeping for a few hours; so expect the town to seem desolate and abandoned come midday, and again after 9pm. Try to find the chicken rice balls that are so well known and spoken of, but ensure it’s early enough and don’t be disappointed by the literal manner of the food; avoid if you dislike overly salty grub.

Romantic couples stroll the streets during the mornings (for some hand holding and to whisper sweet clichéd nothings in each other’s ears), afternoons (for a coffee and read), and evenings for blow-out dinner. It seems backpackers almost entirely skip out the area, though there are some great things you shouldn’t miss out on. Thali for example, is rice served with three vegetable curry sides – and dhal if you so wish – on a banana leaf. Pick from a selection of small meat curries and combine for a taste sensation you know will be around 4000 calories too much for that day. It’s incredibly cheap too, so if you’re looking for flashpackers, it’s a good place to start.


The old pink town block featuring a clock tower, church and housing – converted to museum – is picturesque when lit up at night or surrounded by the bicycles with crazy flashing LEDs that put clubs to shame. Some have rigged a car stereo and battery to the rear, along with a few 9x5s to compliment the experience by deafening passengers with loud club music. The sites are aplenty, with numerous small Temples and narrow streets selling craft, antiques and random tat; though don’t waste a penny on the overpriced, short and only-barely-high-enough Melaka tower. It’s a shame the ferris wheel was undergoing maintenance.


Contrasting with the small old town is the surrounding modern and rapidly developing city of monstrous malls. Three are currently open, serving all fifteen of the locals that can afford the goods offered within, though with two further enormous buildings currently under development and a third shopping town underway near the bus stop, it’s a strange way to invest money, given the lack of affluence in the area. On to Singapore by train.