Bones and Cartilage

I understand that most animals farmed for their flesh are treated badly, but in all honesty how else can so many mouths be fed with only a finite amount of land and resources. I like meat, and I’m not afraid to say it. Give me a cleaver and a chicken and I’d be more than happy to carve it up for dinner. And in any case, why should fish be seen as half way between meat and vegetables; as if it’s perfectly acceptable to suffocate the thing before shoving it on some ice and selling it to Mrs. James for Sunday brunch – she read in the Telegraph supplement that Red Snapper is good eatin’ after all.

Perhaps the difference is in the noises animals make – fish are quiet when they pass on to the great deep blue sea in the sky, whereas a cow will moo-scream and kick until it’s reached the purley gates to the great Welsh green fields. That is, especially if it’s throat is slit and some dude chants over it’s blood-drained carcass. Of course that meat tastes different, how can you ask such a ridiculous question?

Chowing down on my wonton dry noodles, I’m making lots of noises too. I’ve ordered “Curried Beef Flank” and although meat-like in appearance, the fate of these cuttings would normally be destined for a donar kebab joint. Or perhaps a can of pedigree chum; dogs love bones and cartilage after all. Being human and lacking in the carnivorous nashers necessary to crunch through these lips, earlobes and knee joints; I’m either forced to swallow whole and hope my gut is in an accepting mood, or pick through in a desperate – and as it turns out – futile attempt to scavenge actual meat.

It’s not just the wonton, I’ve sampled a range of dishes in China; from “Meat Lovers Pizza” (topped with skin and blubber salami, hip joint ham flavoured ham and cow feet and teeth beef), to “Pork Noodle Soup” (made with enough MSG to cause insta-dehydration and bits from a pig that you’d feel guilty feeding, well, a pig), to name but a few. One point three billion; that’s a sizable number, significant when there’s three meals a day and an insatiable hunger by some locals eating everything in sight – a veritable feeding frenzy making piranhas look tidy and docile. There’s hence a dramatic increase in the frequency of fei laos and moys to see. Yes that’s right; when compared to the rest of South East Asia, the Chinese are a bunch of fat bastards. Nice friendly and charming ones, but phat nonetheless. In fact the common old chubby lady walking at snail’s pace, hands behind her back and leaning forward is strangely cute; almost like a large wrinkled baby.

So vegetables it is then – they’re easy to guarantee quality, being almost 90% tasteless and having no protein content. Not the kind my stomach is used to in any case. Hardly a runner’s diet, but maybe I’ll sneak a KFC in every now and then – at least it’s closer to the battery source here. And plus they have pictures.