Cute

Imagine if you will a place where academia is revered, classical music is considered mainstream, public transport is clean and efficient, the people are warm and charming, there’s plenty of countryside for sporting pursuits and the area per head is considerable. So what are you waiting for, book a ticket to Taiwan immediately!


Following the American grid system, it’s effortless navigation. If you are suffering from acute loss of bearings then don’t panic; retrieve map (or locate one of the many near tube stations), and in certainly less than a minute you’ll be approached; “Do you need some help?” My first experience of the incredibly accommodating and caring locals came when stepping from the Airport bus in Taipei. I’d already been given a wealth of information from the passenger sat next to me, who then suggested I follow a man alighting at the same stop. Not only did he guide my way to the nearest MRT station, but he also assisted in purchase of an Easy Card (a prepay rail pass), and further directed me to the correct line and platform. Stunned by the generosity of a complete stranger I didn’t quite know what to do with myself; shake his hand, say thank you, offer him some money – would the latter be considered an insult? Instead, this kind of community spirit is everywhere to be found, even here in the capital city, where I assumed the concept completely alien.



Heading out to visit sights, the first on my list is the CSK Memorial Hall; it’s a fair trek there and being sub-tropical, I am forced to adorn honky cream once more. The grounds are impressive in size, grandeur and attention to detail; flower beds meticulously maintained, marble and granite used in abundance and more room to breathe than could possibly be necessary. To the top and the guards are changing. It’s 11am and their display is reminiscent of American parading; pointlessly spinning rifles and playing catch with – thankfully – unloaded rifles. The most ridiculous part of the display is the foot stamping and slow leaning when mounting their posts – the whole display taking almost as much time as their eventual standing attention.


The American influence is further clear to see with the national love of Baseball, however, stronger still are the ties that remain with the previous governors Japan, with Anime and it’s music arguably more popular than any wailing popstar you could throw a stick at. And hard, so that they stop due to throat impalement.

I’m thirsty, my mouth is parched and my heart pumping harder in an attempt to cool me down. Sit in a hot spring for much longer than five minutes and you’ll feel the same. It’s not a bad workout mind you; for doing nothing. Spend a whole hour and you’ll feel positively shattered and ready for bed. Coming in all shapes and sizes, I’ve experienced three thus far; the first being a separate gender bath, where nakedness is expected and three baths vary in temperature – mild, hot and cold. And that’s precisely the order you should follow, though I recommend the high pressure water jets for an excellent massage. Sitting around, the elder visiting Japanese gentry are a strange bunch; complaining if splashed (imagine that, in a bath), perched on the tiling above the baths and glancing to each other with looks either of camaraderie or apparently suggestive.

The second type was after driving almost 100km south of Hualien to a small town Rueisuei, which is famous for its hot springs. This was a private affair, coming with a feed directly from the spring and hence having a sea-water taste to it, and a second from mains water to cool down after. Less of an interesting experience, the best by far was recommended by my newly befriended English student; the public bath. With five sections of varying temperature, you can pick your torture and wimp out when necessary; just remember to wash your feet before entering each. This truly was bliss, with minerals creating an almost metallic taste to the water, which sterilises any raw patches with the efficiency and burn of TCP. Looking around, it’s similar to something from a scene in Spirited Away and a clear influence stemming from the Japanese Onsen. I’m left bemused why this hasn’t caught on back home; Saunas simply can’t compare.


A strain of their motherland’s tongue, Taiwanese makes for a more complex language due to the traditional writing in use. My translator on hand making it all the easier, we visit the Shilin night market, where prices for street food rival Thailand and the experience of Pig’s Brain Soup is something I won’t forget in a hurry. Image a paté, but far softer and you’re almost there. There’s a belief here after all; whatever you eat you will get. My stomach refuses to indulge my curiosity any longer sadly, and I don’t want to push the issue, which possibly explains my continual inability to speak Taiwanese.

Much like Hong Kong, this beautiful Island is clearly able to stand on its own. Thailand is visited by droves of Westerners wanting to experience friendly and charming people, and yet here there are clear benefits for the discerning traveller: It is completely scam-free and honest, food is similarly priced, the country is far easier to navigate, infrastructure and development is more modern and the people are so polite and genuine that it’s utterly impossible not to be enchanted. It even has beaches to the South, what more could you possibly want in a holiday destination? Why then, is this gem seemingly overlooked; ten days and only a handful of fellow honkies have I seen. Sh, keep it quiet, I want this place all to myself.




A great deal of the female psyche here is derived around a single word; cute. Clothing must be “cute”, mobile phones require a “cute” dangling thing from the corner attachment, bags are adorned in flare much the same way and the two-fingered photo pose is considered “cute”. Look around a night market and a section selling “cute” canines will be found (the connotation being “small” and “puppy”), where girlfriends of bored and tired men coo and gurgle uncontrollably. It’s a trade generating big business, however wrong it may be to sell animals to capricious and short attention-spanned girls – who one minute are amused by the “cute” head poking from the handbag in which it’s carried, the next traumatised by the realisation that it needs feeding, walking and has left a decidedly nasty mess on the side. As a result, you’ll no doubt spot the poor male soul walking the now adult and fascination-elapsed canine in a park. He may have three or four leaches in tow; as she most likely grew weary of the adult dog, wanting another “cute” one.


The “cute” factor doesn’t stop there, extending to all walks of life and most notably signage. It’s as if the mentality dictates that people simply won’t pay attention or notice unless it looks like something from a Manga or Anime cartoon. Pictures of “cute” policemen looking stressed as you cross the road at an undesignated point make the meaning more comical, than poignant. It is nonetheless amusing and in complete contrast to the British “If you do this, we will hunt you down and massacre your family, friends and pets, then chop off your left ear” signs that I’m used to.

Follow the east coast southbound by train and stop off at Hualien as a base for travel. The city itself isn’t particularly engaging, though head North 20K and you’ll enter the Taroko Gorge, for me the highlight of Taiwan. Had anyone been able to speak English, I’d have rented a road bike and cycled, though a few hours of futile attempts to communicate and that’s enough for me; the moped rental man knows a few words and it’s enough to negotiate a two day rental. The Gorge consists of a long winding road that gradually increases in altitude and passes many points of interest; some hardly worth the effort to stop at and others breathtaking in their majestic construction and surrounding scenery. Whilst there are tours available, I’d recommend heading off with map in hand to discover the area yourself.





Bamboo is incredibly strong and versatile stuff, so perhaps that’s why the 101 Tower was designed to resemble it. With eight sections, this behemoth of a building is an engineering masterpiece; marvel as the 606 tonne ball of steel absorbs and dampens wind vibrations, hold on tight and repeatedly swallow as the elevator hurtles you to the observation deck in less than a minute. It’s not difficult to find – just look up – which makes it the perfect tourist spot and explains the vast array of shopping malls dotted in and around the area. Take my advice; get there before sunset so you can see the city in both lights.



An all too brief stay of 10 days has left me struggling to fight the withdrawal symptoms; Taiwan is a perfectly balanced cross between the best parts of China, Japan and America; that demonstrates little in common with its domineering motherland, bar the underlying ethnic heritage. That aside, it trumps Thailand and everywhere else I’ve seen in all aspects and still even whilst writing this in Japan, I miss it.