Traveller Stereotypes – Type IVs

Sometimes coming in packs – presumably for protection – there’s a dangerous number of these travellers. With some old enough to be silver surfing with the Fantastic Four, and others young and handsome enough to be a surprise filler in this category; sex-tourists are everywhere.

From 16 Jan 2010

The former do their best to maintain the cliché of generation gaps between hunter and prey – whilst the latter have the social skills of a Rhinoceros and are generally dot Net developer types, trawling the latest Microsoft blogs. It could, however, be argued that hunter and prey are in some cases reversed. A middle aged man I recently met in a bar (originally from Leeds, leaving at 18 and working in all corners), suggests that “everyone’s a winner” and that “no one gets hurt”. Perhaps this is true, but it’s strange that the authorities pass a sentence of one year’s imprisonment for mere Cannabis possession, yet condone such blatant prostitution.

Having completely given up on finding themselves a wife in their native country (or simply been far too fugly to attract a mate), the older gentry sit opposite their purchases enjoying dinner; in complete silence. It’s a slow meal when eating dead-pan. The submissiveness of the women suits these blank-firers perfectly: The older men have their sale items walk behind them, whilst younger men are gifted by holding hands.

Perhaps the most intriguing factor is how the walking dead IVs manage to copulate with their acquisitions – the gut protruding too far to facilitate anything other than a sideways letter “T” fixture, and the gold chain and medallion a potential wounding instrument. Viagra was probably commissioned by a committee of these tourists in an attempt to recapture some essence of youth; it is their Holy Grail. I’d prefer them to choose poorly and drink from the golden cup of Christ, thereby ageing instantly and saving these poor girls from a fate far worse¹. If you are lucky, you may spot the occasional Type II who, having saved enough money from his call-centre job (or perhaps won a few quid on the bookies), is able to enjoy an expedition with a different Type for an evening. The girls will tend to ensure that they are well fed and have enjoyed enough beverages for the evening, however, which arguably makes the experience more familiar and akin to dating for the Type IV youth (without direct payment of course.)

You could be forgiven for thinking that all of these women are prostitutes, but there are some silver linings to compliment the silver surfing obese walking corpses – in order to purchase property you are required to have a Thai partner.

¹ Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

From 16 Jan 2010