45 metres worth of gold-plated cynicism

I decided to go it solo today, and enjoyed my little soirée with adventure. Perhaps it’s the permanent Baht sign above my head, attracting countless calls of “tuk tuk”, “taxi”, “where you go”, “you buy” and “cheap cheap”; as today I reverted to my original stance of extreme cynicism that normally adorns my persona.

In amongst the swarm of flocking aliens, I couldn’t help but feel that Wat Pho is heritage, disguised as cold-hearted commercialism, parading as a place of futile worship. I shall clarify that: It was built 450 years ago and was then partially rebuilt in 1781. If you take the time to look closely at these buildings, it’s easy to see how badly they were constructed; rushed bodgery almost. The colours have faded black, the maintenance is lacklustre at best, parts are broken and worn and monks are seen strolling around without a care, whilst naive worshippers donate handfuls of money in a bid to guarantee their place in the next life.

From 18 Jan 2010

Who lay all the electrical cabling for this place so it can light up at night, and when did the Monks decide to install automatic flushing toilets and movement-sensitive water taps? Those air-conditioned massage parlours lining the perimeter look pretty plush; perhaps I’ll have a go when there’s a free masseuse.

A week in Bangkok is long enough – it’ll get too tiring if you stay any longer. I do have the perfect solution, although sadly brain transplants haven’t been invented yet: Come in an Asian body. My sister doesn’t experience the kind of harassment, which I do. If I could actually tan, then at least I might cover my head with a hat and my eyes with aviator glasses. Three weeks of sun hasn’t done anything for my tan though – I’m just too darn honky.

I digress – back to the religion. Every one of the temples here has a donation box. Some have more than one. Some have different kinds. The process is as follows when visiting: Remove shoes, socks and hat. Purchase lotus flower, skilfully arranged in to a star shape. Further purchase of incense stick is required to increase prayer strength, so you’d better do that too. Kneel down before image of deity and say prayer. Bow down in respect; thereby increasing prayer power to level 3. Pay your fee for level 5. More money means a better chance of your prayer being answered, and further increased prayer levels. Unfortunately, as I don’t pray myself, I’m unaware which level activates the bonus feature. And if that isn’t cold-hearted commercialism, I don’t know what is.

From 18 Jan 2010

Some temples have even more ways of increasing your odds of a successful prayer. They come in the form of money bowls, where you can spread your bets over numerous pots. Pay 20 Baht and receive half-baht coins in return. That’s 40 chances to win; amazing. The temple that holds the reclining Buddha image (I state “image” as that is the correct term of reference), has money pots that cover its entire length; 45 metres of pots around 30cm in diameter. That’s nearly four times the chance to win. Ooh, I’m getting tempted myself now.

From 18 Jan 2010

My Physics degree helps with basic Maths. I work it out as 150 money pots, needing 80 baht to fill each one once, with some left over (the note-breaker men won’t change anything less than a 20 and I wonder why they don’t simply have coin-changing machines). That’s about one pound and fifty pence, or almost a day’s salary for some people of Thailand. If you really want to ensure you aren’t reincarnated as a parasitic blowfly maggot, you’d better get spending.

From 18 Jan 2010

Hang on just a second – I thought Las Vegas was much later on in my itinerary; where am I again? I wonder if anyone else has made the connection; gambling = religion. Religion = gambling? Ah, just a second, I must apologise as I’ve seen a clear difference. With religion, there’s one truly measurable fact: You will receive precisely nothing in return. That’s right, there is no winner. The house always wins. You pay and are expected to have faith that you’ll win. In the next life; once you’re becoming recycled in to soil and your brain no longer functions.

No thanks, I’ll save my bahts for exchange in to US Dollars. At least in Vegas I’ll get free drinks if I pray enough.