Size matters

Height certainly has its advantages, though on an overnight sleeper train, you're better off no greater than 5'6". If you're unlucky enough to be over the prerequisite height, assume the foetal sleeping position as soon as you are able.
From the corner of my eye the ticket inspectors appear. Make no mistake, these gents look formidable in their skin-tight uniforms. Before I’ve had a chance to decide where to unload my backpacks, various women appear trying to sell foodstuffs. It all looks interesting and has strange symbols that my Western upbringing simply cannot comprehend. Always willing and able to speak English, I’m soon informed that it’s essentially light snacks before bedtime.

The gentle lulling of South West Trains has always had a way of rocking me to sleep in its large metal cradle. But this train was sadly not so effective – due in part to a loose metal rod, whose resonant frequency coincidentally matched the engines hum. Thankfully exhaustion soon set in, as my body clock knew of the impending 6am start, and out like a light, I was.

As my two alarms fire in quick succession, 6am has arrived and suddenly I'm wondering how I'll know where to alight. Why didn't this occur to me earlier, why do none of the guidebooks cover this?
The entirety of the train is awake within 30 minutes and we are all standing around aimlessly gawping at one another, each speaking their own European language for "where the hell are we?” Soon enough, however, we are all directed from the train where as if by magic, a troop of touts appear shouting place names and prices. In a daze of tired confusion it’s going to be hard to avoid a scam. Thankfully my sister’s instincts take over and her Scottish/Chinese heritage is unleashed on the unsuspecting locals. This is far worse than they’d expect from a Westerner. Smirking smugly, I stand back and let her eat the touts for breakfast.

This is another inexcusable oversight by travel guides – when stating "get the bus for 150 baht" they actually mean the following:-
Get the local bus for 5 baht to Surat Thani town, as the train station is around 15k west of it.
Find the government office to take the state-run coach from there.
It's located [here].
If you are unsure where to alight, ask the ticket inspector and they will help.
(I shall elaborate on my feelings toward Lonely Planet books in a later blog.)

This is all hindsight, and the reality was that even with great resolve to resist the lemming and herding instinct, we did end up bartering for an overpriced ticket. The option was simple – risk being stranded and use intelligence to find our own way; or chew, swallow and begrudgingly digest the path of least resistance. The commute involved two buses, the first of which was with locals, however, and smiling at the similar open-windowed monstrosities carrying scores of school children, I was greeted en-mass by waves and cheers. Expensive ticket aside, it was priceless.

From 05 Jan 2010